


everything is perfect

by n7punk



Series: and they were roommates [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Modern AU but still different species, Prequel, autistic Adora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28219518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n7punk/pseuds/n7punk
Summary: Everyone ends up in the foster system with a different story. Adora's is that she really believed, one day, her father would get it together to come rescue her and Catra. For four months, that was almost true.(Catradora modern roommates AU prequel to 'on the other side')
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: and they were roommates [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021597
Comments: 43
Kudos: 284
Collections: Catradora AUs by n7punk





	everything is perfect

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel to the first fic in the 'and they were roommates' series, 'on the other side'. You could read this fic on its own, though I don't know why you would.  
> CW child neglect and implied drug use for Adora's dad. This fic is the explanation for why Adora is Like That emotionally though. CW for implied child abuse by SW.

Randor is talking with her case worker. Miss Teela is not very receptive to what he has to say.

“You’re upsetting Adora. She doesn’t need to be told she’s different. Just because she is your child does not mean she inherited all of your _problems_ ,” Teela tells him. Adora might be on the verge of a panic attack – another one, her third one this week, the growing frequency of which is what prompted this entire conversation.

Randor’s expression darkens, and Adora immediately can’t breathe. She kind of wants to scream, but Shadow taught her a long time ago to be quiet. She doesn’t know what else to do with this building emotion, though, so instead she just sits quietly in it while her lungs constrict.

“I am not the one calling it a problem, _or_ upsetting her. Let her friend in. It will calm her down, and you will see,” Randor orders, pointing a finger towards the door. Randor never gives orders. He is never _hard_ like this. He is always so soft, soft with her and soft with Catra like no other adults are, not even Miss Teela who Adora _normally_ likes very much.

Adora’s next breath has a high whine in it, and she immediately claps a hand over her mouth and sinks down on the couch, screwing her eyes shut and hoping no one is mad. Randor and Teela are already agitated enough. Teela draws in a sharp breath, and then lets out an aggressive sigh. There is the scrape of a chair, and Adora opens her eyes to find Teela walking towards the door, her heels clicking as she flings it open.

“Catra?” Teela calls, because wherever Adora is, Catra is always within earshot. There is the pounding of footsteps – two sets of them – and Catra comes scrambling to the door, stumbling back up onto two legs and looking up at Miss Teela expectantly. She immediately straightens her back, tucking her claws behind her back along with her tail, the way Shadow taught her to be but she only ever _is_ when she truly wants something.

Teela sighs and steps aside, letting Catra into the room. Teela is immediately dead to Catra as she runs for Adora, looking to her with worried eyes. She climbs onto the couch with her, crawling into her lap. Catra doesn't do this in front of adults usually, but she must be able to see how upset Adora is because she immediately tucks her head down into her chest.

Adora buries her face in Catra’s mane gratefully, wrapping her arms around Catra’s back to hug her in thanks for a moment before dropping them to her tail and setting to winding it between her fingers. She breathes deeply in the softness of her mane, trying to calm herself as Teela walks back to the table her and Randor were sitting at to discuss Adora’s schooling and recent grade report.

“Do you see now? I was the exact same way at her age. I preferred smooth sensations and she seems to have grown attached to soft textures, but that is only one of the more easily-spotted signs. I want her tested. I’ll pay the fee, if that is the issue,” Randor says, softly. He is talking to Teela again. He doesn’t sound agitated anymore. The heavy air that was in the room before has left – or maybe Adora is just that much calmer with Catra by her side. She can breathe again as she tries not to pull on Catra’s tail too harshly and nuzzles down into her mane.

“That is not the issue. I see your point. I will put in for an appointment with a specialist, pending approval,” Teela acquiesces. Adora swallows and doesn’t raise her head. Her dad has found something wrong with her, apparently. He seems to have known for awhile. Maybe that is why he can’t always be bothered to make it out to their visits. It only happens every few months, but sometimes she and her caseworker will wait in the converted formal dining room at Shadow’s for an hour before Teela will apologize and tell her that her dad must be “lost” again, and she will see if she can get another visit approved later.

Her dad doesn’t use euphemisms like that with her. Adora can tell he softens things, but he told her once when apologizing for missing a visit that when Teela calls him lost, she actually means he is _losing himself_. He also told Adora she is right, and he always hates himself for missing a visit when he is too deep in it to come out.

One time he was at least aware enough to call Teela and tell her he didn’t want Adora to see him like this, even though he knew it was admitting he had relapsed and it could be used against him more than a no-show. He told Adora he did it because when he is sober, he never wants to hurt her like that. Adora wishes he could just _be sober then_ , but apparently that isn’t an option all the time. Maybe this _problem_ is why she isn’t enough for him to try.

“Adora?” her father calls softly. Adora takes a breath, bracing herself for losing the softness against her, and raises her head. She blinks at her father, feeling tears stinging in her eyes but forcing them _down_. Randor smiles at her, encouraging and a bit sad. “We’re going to have you tested for autism, okay? It is just a few tests and sitting down with a specialist. They’ll ask you questions and all you have to do is answer honestly. There is no grade or correct answer, okay?” he tells her. Adora draws in a breath as, beneath her chin, Catra’s ears swivel back to listen closely.

There is always a correct answer – or at least a wrong one.

“What’s wrong with me?” she asks softly, because Teela says she has a _problem_ , and Teela also says that about her dad, and Shadow is always calling Catra a “problem child.” Problem is _bad_. Randor’s expression falls a little and he stands from his chair, walking over to the couch and crouching before Adora. Adora feels her hands on Catra’s tail pick up the speed of their repetitive pattern, but she can’t help it. Face-to-face is bad. Randor looks a little off to the side from her gaze, like he usually does. Shadow tells her not to do that, but then Shadow complains that her eye contact is _too much_ and _too intense_ , so Adora doesn’t know what she is meant to do really.

“Nothing is wrong. You know how you are always telling me about how special Catra is? About how she experiences the world differently because of her senses?” Randor asks. In her arms, Catra goes deathly still, and she was not even moving in the first place. Adora nods. She _is_ always rambling on about her friend when Randor asks her how she has been for the last few weeks. She tells him what she and Catra have done together, what new game they have made up, or just what they did in class.

“Well, I experience the world differently, too. And so do you. The specialist is just going to confirm that. It is not because of our senses, just the way our brains work. It is stuff like how you like petting your friend, and the way you think. There is nothing _wrong_ with Catra. There is nothing wrong with you either, just because you are different,” her father tells her, gently.

The air is kind of gone from Adora’s lungs. She feels so overwhelmed. Her father nods down to Catra, and Adora takes the direction immediately, burying her face in her mane again. Despite how the hair should suffocate her, she can finally breathe again as she presses into it. Catra just sits still and lets her.

\--

For Adora’s fourteenth birthday, Randor gets approval to take her to an amusement park. He has to take some kind of test before they can leave, but apparently he has been _doing well_ lately, whatever that means, so he gets approval to drive her two hours away to the park, with a mid-day phone check-in to ensure he is still with Adora and at the park.

The day is a lot of fun. Adora wishes Catra was there – it feels kind of weird to be experiencing something _new_ without her – but she knows they would never get approval for that. She will tell Catra about it when she gets home, and maybe one day Randor _will_ be in the position where he can get approval to take Catra out for a day.

Adora loves her dad, she really does. Even if she only sees him once a month at best, he is a really nice person beneath it all, and Adora has met some _not nice_ people that make her appreciate the good parts of her dad. She knows why she was taken from him, even if she doesn’t agree with it now. He lost his job because he kept losing himself to his vice, and then he kept not taking care of her when he went out on benders, and once the government discovered the debts he had to a bad crowd he couldn’t keep her. Now Adora can make her own meals and do her own washing though, she thinks she would rather end up alone sometimes with him than stay at Shadow’s.

At least, she would if it wasn’t for Catra. She can’t leave Catra behind. They have this fantasy together. One where Randor cleans up his act, and gets custody of Adora back, and then he fosters Catra. That way they get out and are safe together. Adora told Randor that fantasy once. He had gotten wistful. He told her that it wasn’t that simple, that legally it might not even be possible, but that he would do it in a heartbeat if he had the chance. He knows how important Catra is for Adora.

Adora’s first memory is of _Catra_ , not Randor – although the whole reason she was taken away is because he wasn’t around in the first place, so that actually makes sense. Apparently, a neighbour noticed Adora had been left alone in the house without anyone coming home to look after her. Adora was sitting in front of the front window for hours, supposedly. She was far too young to remember, or to be left alone in the first place.

Adora tries not to think about it – not today and not _ever_ really. She can push it aside. She is grateful she has anyone at all. Catra was dropped off at a hospital in an applesauce crate. There was someone out there for her, but they didn’t _want_ her, didn't even care enough about her to go through the proper process of putting her up for adoption. It is their loss, but Adora knows to appreciate that Randor wants her in his life even if he can’t have her.

They go on rides, and Randor spends thirty dollars teaching her darts at one of the game stalls, which eventually wins her a stuffed white unicorn. Randor points out it has rainbow hair – _he’s just like you, Rainbow_ – and Adora immediately has to have it. She cradles it close as they settle at a picnic table - a little iced over from the earlier snow, but warm enough in the sun – and split a funnel cake together. It might be the sweetest thing Adora has ever tasted. She squeals with delight and digs in readily.

“Slow down, Adora. The sugar will give you a stomachache if you eat that fast,” her dad tells her, but he is laughing the whole time. Adora has powdered sugar on her face, but she is having _fun_ so she doesn’t particularly care.

Randor waits until the cake is gone and she is clutching her stomach in a quickly-fulfilled prophecy to end that fun. It isn’t _just_ his fault. He gets the phone call and has to check in with Miss Teela. He then hands the phone to Adora, because Miss Teela is one of the few adults Adora has encountered who just believes her when she tells them things, and she trusts Adora to tell the truth about whether they are still at the park or not. The background ride music is enough to confirm it anyway.

“How are you feeling, Adora?” Teela asks diplomatically when she accepts the phone. Adora grimaces a little.

“I ate too much funnel cake even though Dad told me not to,” she responds. Teela snorts at the same time as her dad _guffaws_ beside her.

“And he still let you, because of course he did. Where are you right now?” she returns. Adora looks up, turning her head, searching for _any sign_ indicating which section of the park they are in, but her dad has been the one guiding them around and she really doesn’t know.

“Next to the darts? And the funnel cake. Oh, and a fountain. Dad, do you have pennies? Me and Catra always put pennies in the fountain at the museum when we can find some,” Adora asks, turning to her dad and tugging on his sleeve. Teela sighs at the same time as her dad smiles. Adora _likes_ Teela, if only because she is honest with her instead of tiptoeing around her or just _lying_ , but Teela also is not that great at handling her. Randor understands her better.

“Yes, I have pennies. Talk to Teela first, Rainbow,” he tells her as he reaches for his wallet. Adora has no idea if Teela _hears_ that, but she speaks up again.

“Please remind your father you are expected back by four o’clock. He and I have a meeting after this. Enjoy your trip, Adora,” Teela tells her. Adora wishes Teela a distracted goodbye as her dad offers her a penny.

“You have to do one too. For Catra,” she tells him as she takes his hand and drags him over to the fountain. Randor humours her, letting her hold his hand while she makes a wish and then closing his eyes and mirroring her. Afterwards, he peers down into the water, like he thinks he can pick his penny out amongst all the others.

“Do you want to know what I wished for, Rainbow?” he asks her, his voice soft. Adora blinks up at him.

“Dad, you can’t _tell me_. Then it won’t come true,” she corrects him. Randor is still smiling softly as he turns to her, taking her hand in both of his now as he peers down at her. He doesn’t have to look down far – even at fourteen, Adora is shooting up. She gets her height from him, but she is catching up quickly.

“I don’t need to wish for it. It is something I am going to do myself. This is just sealing the deal. I’ve paid off all my debts, Adora. I have a stable job again, not just commission work. I love you, and I’m going to do everything in my power to get you back this year, okay? And I’ll be there, I’ll really _be_ there this time,” he promises her.

If you say it, it won’t come true.

\--

The day Teela tells her the court has approved her father getting custody on the weekends, Adora goes back up to their bed – hers and Catra’s – and she cries while Catra holds her. Catra knew the hearing was being held, and she probably assumes her dad lost, but he didn’t _really_. It is step one. Adora will stay at Shadow’s on weekdays, and then Friday night he will come pick her up. It should be the perfect compromise. That is the way the court saw it, after all. Proving he can be trusted while providing Adora with a gentle transition into a normal life.

She doesn’t really know why she is crying, except she kind of does.

“I don’t want to leave you,” she manages to tell Catra through her tears. Catra draws in a sharp breath above her, and then Catra is crying too.

\--

Adora _doesn’t_ leave Catra alone, not really, because she still lives with Catra until the weekend. Adora also doesn’t sleep on the weekends, but that is coincidental. She tells her dad she has always had trouble sleeping. He tells her it could be related to her autism, and she smiles through tight lips and does not flinch. Shadow told her to never say that word – that she was _special_ and did not need to ascribe a disease to it.

She said that up until the things that made Adora _special_ started getting in the way of her academics in middle school, making it difficult to focus in class as she aged into a stricter school environment that wasn’t built for her way of thinking. Adora learned how to confine herself to the mold school needed her to fit, but the word for what she is was still banned in the home. Her father is the one that taught her words like _stimming_ , but she still only says them in low whispers to Catra at night.

Now she lays in her bed sleeplessly at night and worries. She loves her weekends with her dad – but she fears when they become _full weeks_. She feels safe at Randor’s – far safer than at Shadow’s, even if Shadow would never hurt her like she does Catra since she has someone to actually _notice_ – but she misses Catra when she is gone for two days. What are they going to do when Randor proves that he can look after her, and suddenly _this_ is her home now?

She and Catra have dreamed of the day when Randor finally stuck through rehab and saved them from the system. Despite Catra sharing the wish, she always talked a bit bitterly about it. Adora thought it was because she hates Randor a little for leaving Adora stuck at Shadow’s. Now she realizes the true source: as nice as their dream was, there would always be a period when Adora was the only one rescued, and Catra was alone.

Adora arrives at Shadow’s every Sunday night with adrenaline humming in her heart, and though she doesn’t dare to go as far as hugging Catra when there is anyone around to see, she always visually inspects her for new injuries. Sometimes she has them and Adora feels sick, wondering if it was one of those times she could have talked Shadow out of it, had she been there.

On the nights she sleeps at Shadow’s, Adora lies awake until she thinks their roommates are asleep, and then she hauls Catra up from sleeping at her feet to cradle her in her arms. Catra complains about Adora cutting into her sleep by disturbing her on their way to school in the mornings, but she purrs and nuzzles close every night Adora does it.

On the nights she sleeps at Randor’s, she eventually figures out she can sleep by balling up a thick comforter at her feet and laying heavy books on top, creating a soft weight over her legs like Catra is when she sleeps there. She tells Catra about her trick when she returns to Shadow’s, and Catra marks along her jaw and neck. The weight only allows her to fall asleep, however – she never sleeps long, and never feels truly rested from it.

“I can’t sleep without Catra. I miss her. She was always there,” Adora admits one Saturday morning, the end of her fork planted firmly on the table as she rocks it around on the wood in a circular motion. Randor does not tell her to stop it, or that she is going to get marks in the tabletop. Instead, he is silent for a long moment. The implication that _she was_ while _he wasn’t_ doesn’t need to be said.

If Randor were Catra’s dad, Catra would berate him for abandoning her. She would tell him off for every visit he never showed for, and call him _weak_ and _worthless_. She has said all these things to Adora about him, claws flexing before she forces them to sheathe so she can stroke through Adora’s hair to soothe her. She usually does it whenever Randor falls off the wagon again. At one point she tried to convince Adora to stop caring so he couldn’t hurt her anymore, but Adora doesn’t know _how_.

Randor is her father. Randor is nice. Randor has never raised his voice at her, or said a cruel word, even when he was correcting her. Randor doesn’t like Shadow, even if he hardly knows her, because he can tell she _has a bad heart_ , apparently. Randor just also isn’t there, a lot. And when he isn’t, Catra _is_. Catra is always there for Adora. Randor is her family by blood, but Catra is her family in a way Randor can never be, not after missing all her formative years.

“I’ll make sure you still get to see her, Rainbow. I’ll make sure you always get to see her, however I can. As much as I can,” Randor promises her in a low voice when he eventually speaks.

Adora sleeps that night.

\--

Almost exactly two months before her fifteenth birthday, there is another hearing, and the decision is made that Randor has been clean long enough, free of criminal associations long enough, that he can take her back. Teela will still check on them, but Adora’s dad is her _dad_ again.

A week later, a smaller approval is issued for Adora to visit her old home once a week. She gets to see Catra at school and between classes, but it is hardly anything compared to how they grew up attached at the hip. The weekend visits are a few hours together without schoolwork interrupting them, at least. On the first one, Adora bursts out of Randor’s car, running in the front door and flinging her arms around Catra as she does her best not to cry and doesn’t manage it.

On Monday at school, Catra flinches away from her touch and Adora knows Shadow saw and disapproved. It is harder to sneak affection now that they only see each other at school or during the supervised visits, always surrounded and rarely alone. Adora starts walking up to Randor and just tucking herself into his side, which he always accommodates with a fond smile, but though the touch is nice, it is not the one she is seeking.

After a month, Randor gets approval to actually _take_ Catra places – Teela calls them _playdates_ despite the fact they are both in high school now - and suddenly they are holding hands in the backseat of Randor’s car while he drives them to his house. Adora gets to show Catra her room. She has described it to her over the last few months, but seeing it is new. Catra runs to her bed and scent-rolls it as soon as Randor leaves them alone. Adora knows her laugh must echo out of the open door, but it feels so _good_ to see Catra just get to be _Catra_ , marking up and claiming a space that is hers because it is Adora’s.

“Can I show you the guest room?” Adora asks, wringing her hands nervously, and Catra peers at her with confusion but nods. Catra is older, already fifteen, but she is still shorter, her hand smaller when Adora takes it in her own and leads Catra down the hall. Randor said they have to stay in the house and keep the doors open, but that he would be out of the way in the living room if they needed something. The fact he was giving them privacy to just _be_ was clear.

Adora nudges the door to the guest room open and leads Catra inside. “It’s a little smaller – I don’t think Dad actually planned on anyone staying here, so it was kind of a _just in case_ thing – but the closet is actually bigger, and the bathroom is just across the hall,” Adora tells Catra nervously, fiddling with Catra’s hand in hers. She presses on the spot in the middle that makes Catra claws snap out, almost on accident. Catra isn’t a huge fan of when she does that, but she doesn’t take her hand back, just peering up at Adora. She seems confused. Adora sighs.

“I don’t want to get your hopes up, especially not so _soon_ , but Dad asked Teela if it was even possible for him to get approval to be a foster parent after everything and she told him it was, just that it would take time. We could- be together again,” Adora tells Catra, staring down at her with pleading eyes.

 _Please want that too. Please want me too even though I keep being the reason you get hurt. Please still want the daydream we’ve had since we were six_.

Catra starts crying, silent tears spilling down her cheeks until she cracks and throws her arms around Adora, clutching her close as Adora lets out a breath trembling with relief and holds her. Catra tucks into her neck and rubs her face there to wipe her tears as they come and cause her shoulders to shake.

Adora doesn’t realize Catra marked her until Catra asks Adora not to come inside with her when they reach Shadow’s again that afternoon. Adora hates it, but she sends Catra a thin smile and lets her go when they reach the porch. Shadow is a drow and could never pick it up, but one of the other kids might tell on them. It has happened before, and with Adora not around as a barrier, they can't take the risk.

It only hardens Adora’s resolve to make sure their only plan for ever getting out of the system comes to fruition.

\--

“It’s covered in sugar- Oh, it’s covered in sugar,” Adora stops mid-explanation, her hands freezing their gesturing. She is explaining funnel cake to Catra, telling her how good it will be once they get there, because she has been living with Randor full-time for two months and she actually _forgot_ that Catra can’t eat sugar, at least not a lot of it like funnel cake _definitely is_.

Catra’s ears fall a bit, her gaze turning away as she realizes what Adora has forgotten. Adora bites her lip. Being apart is so _hard_. She is grateful Randor got approval to take Catra with Adora on her birthday trip to the amusement park - a different one than they visited a year ago, but one Randor assured her would still have funnel cake – but she has grown up with Catra by her side _constantly_ , and being without her there every day feels kind of like missing a limb. She hates the idea that she is getting _used_ to being without her and forgetting things.

Catra is upset by her forgetting, she can tell. Adora isn’t always great with emotions, even if she has gotten better over the years, but Catra’s she has always known. Catra puts on a brave face, but she knows that distance between them is even _worse_ for Catra. When Adora is away from Catra, she is safe and happy and supported, getting to do things like finally use the words to describe herself.

When Catra is away from Adora, she is living under constant threat and fear that is stronger than ever before without Adora there as a shield.

They manage to move on, and by the time they actually reach the park they are both smiling again, but when they pass the funnel cake stand and Randor asks if she wants any, Adora declines. It makes Catra’s eyes shine a little bit. She hopes that is a good sign, even if she can’t make things _right_ by insisting Catra comes home with them tonight and never leaves.

\--

Despite the stress of being away from Catra and the only home she has ever known, Adora’s new life is kind of _perfect_. Her dad wakes her up for school in the mornings and fixes her breakfast while telling stories and joking with her. She goes to school and gets to share classes and lunch with Catra, her dad always packing her extra food without Adora having to ask any time but the first. He just thinks that the school lunches Catra gets are terrible, and while that is _true_ , she still eats them anyway. The food Adora brings her is compensation for what Shadow withholds at home.

They play football together, Adora the star quarterback and Catra the fastest running back their school has ever had, and they are an unstoppable duo. They hug each other close in the locker room and bid each other goodbyes everyone else on the team calls _dramatic_. Afterwards, Randor drives her home with an ambient noise soundtrack playing as he asks Adora about her day and never tells her to slow down, or not to ramble, or to keep her focus.

Randor teaches her how to cook new things, and introduces her to brand new foods, and watches TV with her, a rare privilege you had to _earn_ in the home, but now the remote just sits on the coffee table, waiting for her to pick it up. He buys her gifts, clothes and toys she might be too old for if she ever got to play with them in the first place, and even a giant fluffy blanket that is not Catra, nowhere near as soft, but it still calms her to bury her face in it when the loneliness of her empty bed is too much.

She has a dad and a life like the ones she has caught glimpses of on TV and in books. Her worries are about her schoolwork, and football, and not whether she will be enough this time for Randor to finally try for her, because she _was_ enough, and he did it. He stayed, and he cleaned himself up, all for her. And now he is trying to prove himself _more_ , so she can have Catra by her side again.

\--

Adora wakes up just over four months after moving back home, and Randor isn’t there. He wasn’t home when Adora got back from school, and he hasn’t come home since. Adora tries his phone a few times off-and-on, but her mouth tastes bitter and _she knows what this is_. Worse yet, she knows what yesterday was. The anniversary of her mom’s death, when Randor first fell apart. He returned to the drug habit he had in his youth to cope with her loss, and then he found himself falling down the rabbit hole until disappearing for three days at a time was _normal_.

Adora doesn’t remember her mom, and she doesn’t really mourn the day when it passes on the calendar. She hadn’t really registered what the day was until she had been home for an hour and Randor still wasn’t back from work. Randor drops her off at school in the morning, but he is still at work when regular school hours end in the afternoon, so she always takes the bus if she does not have football practice. It isn’t until she is searching for a note that she catches sight of the calendar and realizes the significance of today’s date.

Randor had been _odd_ the night before, distracted and distant, and Adora put it down to work stress, but looking at the calendar, she knows better. She _hopes_ he will come back, but he doesn’t, and she is eventually going to bed alone, turning fitfully in her bed until she passes out from sheer exhaustion and wakes still alone.

Adora would rather be in Randor’s empty house than at Shadow’s – she thinks, anyway, missing Catra notwithstanding – so she doesn’t say anything. She fixes herself breakfast, because she knows how and she can take care of herself, and then she packs her school bag and walks out to the bus stop she never takes.

As soon as she walks into chemistry class, Catra’s eyes lock on her and she knows that Catra can tell something is wrong. Within a few moments, her expression is darkening enough for Adora to know Catra has figured out what it is. They can’t talk about it, though – they can’t risk someone overhearing, and it ruining Randor’s chances of getting Catra out.

She and Catra share a lot of classes anyway, and they normally see each other at football practice, but Catra sticks close to her for the entire day.

“How are you going to get back?” Catra asks her in a low voice as they head out from practice. The school bus is long gone. Catra will take a city bus back to Shadow’s and then walk two blocks. Adora sighs, hoisting her backpack up further on her shoulder.

“I looked it up. Dad’s house is only an hour walk from here. I have the route on my phone. It will be fine,” Adora tells her. Catra’s gaze is burning holes in the side of her head. Adora flinches. “It’s better than Shadow’s, Catra. I have food and money to _buy_ more food if that turns out to not be enough before he comes back. If he gets approved to foster you, then we can stick together and help each other out in times like this,” Adora argues. Catra hisses, frustrated, as she turns away and pins her ears back. Unfortunately for her, Adora is _right_. They are so much better off in Randor’s empty house than their bunk at Shadow’s.

“He’s such a piece of shit, Adora. Parents shouldn’t _do_ this. No one should be _abandoned_ like this,” Catra tells her, her words bitter. Adora flinches. _Abandoned_ is a big issue for Catra, considering her origins, and everything she has watched Adora go through. Whenever Adora came back from a meeting with Randor that didn’t happen because he never showed, Catra would always comfort her. Lately, Adora _knows_ Catra has felt abandoned by her, even if they have their weekly meeting on Saturdays and see each other in school all week.

It isn’t the same as never breathing without the other’s air beside them, and Adora has not missed how often Catra has been holding her back stiffly ever since Adora moved out. They _need_ each other, and more than that they want each other. They also need Randor to keep it together long enough for them to be together again.

“It was usually three days when he went missing. That means he’ll be back tomorrow, and he will have the whole night to recover and look sober before we come to get you on Saturday. It will be okay,” Adora assures Catra. It does not help her look less agitated, but she nods.

\--

On Friday, Adora goes to school alone again, and sends Catra a tight-lipped smile when she walks into class to send the message the situation has not changed. It is fine, there is no football practice tonight so she can ride the bus, and Randor has all day to show up.

Adora is pulled out of class during third period by the school counselor. Shadow is there, to _take back temporary custody_ , as is Teela, and Adora is told she can visit her dad in the hospital tonight before Shadow takes her back to Randor’s place to gather her things.

Adora hasn’t processed _found in an alley_ or _overdose-induced stroke_ or _coma_ by the time she is done crying, and her panic attack gets so bad that Teela gets Catra pulled out of class too just to _hold_ her.

Four perfect months, and one anniversary is all it takes to come crashing back down.

\--

Catra helps her unpack silently. Adora is out of tears, but she is still crying, just too dehydrated to summon anything more than sniffling and the occasional dry sob as she tries to just _breathe_. Adora has quite a few things now, but they unpack her clothes and leave everything else in the two cardboard boxes she brought them in, shoving them under their shared bed before they curl up in it together.

“They don’t think he is going to wake up. Something about his brain activity. If he does, they don’t know if he will be able to even speak,” Adora tells Catra, eventually, starting and stopping her hushed whisper to keep from bursting into not-tears again. Catra says nothing, _there is nothing to say_ , just stroking through Adora’s hair and sweeping her tail up. Adora doesn’t need it. Her hands are limp and exhausted, like the rest of her.

She shuffles down from Catra’s chest to pillow her head on her stomach, and Catra pulls her shirt up to her ribcage without prompting. Adora immediately buries her face in the soft fur of Catra’s stomach, feeling her pounding heart ease _a little_. She feels so hollow inside except for the shaking of her breaths and hammering in her chest.

“It’s just like before, Adora. We made it then, and we’ll make it now,” Catra eventually says. It is not assuring, considering what _before_ was like. Not that the last four months of living apart have been easy, but with every day Adora began to hope more and more there really could be a day where Randor could foster Catra and they could be together.

They will never be safe, not now. Not until they are eighteen anyway, and even then they will have to find a way to make their own paths in the world. Adora would rather be struggling to get by with Catra and be _free_ than be here, but that is not an option for another three years. For another three years, they are Shadow’s wards, both permanently parentless, even if Randor ever wakes. He lost any chance of getting custody back with this stunt. If he even wakes, if he is even _coherent_ when he does, he will never be in the shape to care for another person again.

“I thought- we were finally going to be safe together. Teela had given him a _timeline_ for applying to home you, Catra,” Adora manages, sobbing a little into Catra’s fur as she does so. Catra just keeps stroking through her hair despite how Adora is definitely getting snot in her coat.

“He failed you so many times, Adora. He always treated you like such shit, standing you up. We never could have relied on him,” Catra returns, her voice low and nearly shaking with anger. Adora can’t look up, can’t lift her head, just feels her body tremble. Catra is _right_ , but it is horrible to hear it. Adora really believed they would have a better life.

Despite her words, Catra did too. She would not be angry otherwise. Adora draws in a shaking breath and shuffles up, tucking her face into Catra’s neck. Catra lets out a slow, steadying breath, before she wraps her arms around Adora’s shoulders.

“Remember our promise, Adora?” Catra asks in a low voice. Adora swallows and nods into Catra’s neck. Catra had just received lashes for the first time when they made it. Adora sought her out, wanting to help and comfort her, and Catra lashed out, hissing and growling, telling Adora to go pick on someone else. It took some confused coaxing for her to convince Catra that she just wanted to help her friend. She promised to always stick with her, even when Shadow was angry with her.

 _As long we have each other, we’ll be okay_. That was the promise. It is the only promise no one has ever broken to Adora. Catra draws in a shaking breath beneath her.

“We’re together. We’ll be okay,” Catra whispers to her.

When Randor made her a promise, she didn’t believe it. Adora believes Catra.

\--

It takes a few days for Randor to wake up, and few more for him to be capable of conversation again, although Teela warns her he still is not fully lucid as she drives her from Shadow’s home to the hospital. Adora has only seen him twice, both times unconscious. One was on the first day. She doesn’t know when the other was. Days are hard to track, right now. All she knows is Shadow has not hurt Catra since Adora came back, and the car ride is the first time Adora has been more than arms’ distance from her since returning to the group home.

She thinks some of the older kids tried to pick on her yesterday. She was a little out of it. She is almost never a target, but she is the weak one right now. Catra was hissing and snarling a lot, eventually guiding Adora up to their room with her claws digging into Adora’s wrist. There was no blood dripping from them, though, and Catra never got punished, so she must not have physically hurt any of the bullies.

Adora is too _in it_ now. Her dad bought her a small, wooden snake toy three months ago, and Adora holds it in her hands now and fidgets with it, coiling and uncoiling it around the central spine just to keep her hands busy. Teela had frowned when Adora slipped it out of her jacket pocket, but she said nothing. If Shadow knew Adora was being so _obvious_ , she might be risking lashes now that Randor has lost all rights to her, but Teela won’t tell on her. Teela might not understand Adora, but she doesn’t think she has a _disease_.

Teela tried to warn her, but Adora still isn’t prepared for the sight of her dad looking barely more alive than he was the last time she visited him, seeming very suddenly _weak_ in the hospital bed when he was so strong for the last few months. He smiles at her when he sees her, but some of the beaming warmth that was there for the last year is gone. This smile is _sad_.

Adora asks if it is safe to hug him, and Randor looks to Teela. Adora doesn’t know why, but Teela steps in.

“You can, carefully, but he can’t hug back. He can’t use his left arm at all right now, and his right is very weak,” Teela tells her. Adora swallows down her tears and carefully wraps her arms around her dad’s shoulders.

“I love you, Rainbow,” he tells her, voice quiet as she hugs him. Adora breaks then, her tears flowing as she hides her face in his shoulder.

“I know, Dad,” she tells him. _Does she_? Are these the actions of someone who loves her? Were they ever?

Catra has born physical and emotional pain for her, taking abuse and beatings and even _starvation_ just to be there for her or defend the things about her that are _wrong._ She has defended everything from the way Adora runs her fingers along the surfaces she meets to how she recoils from things that are bad, wrong, even if she doesn’t know why when everyone else considers them fine. Catra has bled just to hug her at times, and she will again, Adora is certain of that.

She is not sure Randor ever even tried for her, really. Adora has tried for him, given him the benefit of every doubt, covered for him, defended him, _loved_ him, and he has shown her kindness, but _empty kindness_. The moment treating her right took sacrificing his vice, she wasn’t as important as the drugs. She pulls away from the hug shaking. Randor’s eyes are glassy, unfocused. Tella told her parts of his brain are gone, cells dead, but Adora does not know what that means, really. A stroke, but that does not tell her any more about what is left of her dad.

She tries to talk to him. His answers are quiet, and vague, sometimes completely unrelated to what she is saying, or only tangentially relevant. Adora feels like she is in a dream, having a conversation she will wake to realize makes no sense, only she _is_ awake and she knows in the moment that it isn’t right. She can’t take it – she doesn’t _want_ to. She looks to Teela with desperate eyes, and Teela stands and says she needs to take Adora back.

“Rainbow, wait,” Randor asks, voice just as quiet as it has been for the whole visit. Adora swallows, reaching for his right hand, the only he has some feeling in, and squeezing. She can’t hug him again and feel him lifeless beneath her.

“If I- I don’t know if I will ever gain back my legs, or even my arms. I know I will never get back _you_. Just- look after Catra, and let her look after you. I never let people help me, and that’s how I- rehab never worked and I’m here,” Randor rambles out, stopping and starting, not quite coherent sentences, but Adora gets the gist.

“Catra has always been there for me, Dad,” Adora manages, her voice so rough it is barely more than a whisper. It is the closest to screaming and yelling at him she can get right now. The way he flinches makes it clear her caught her meaning. He swallows, his eyes still unfocused and fixed on a ceiling tile.

“She is a good one, your girl. Go to university, both of you, and stick together. Never take, not even once,” he tells her. It almost sounds like he thinks this may be the last time they ever talk. If Adora was Catra, it would be. She would walk out and never come back. Adora always comes back to him, though. He was her beacon of hope and kindness her entire childhood. He could make or break a day if he showed up, but she always looked to him to one day get her and Catra out.

That is gone now, and all she has left to say for him is that he is kind, and he at least taught her it is okay to be the way she is.

“We’ll go to school, Dad. And I won’t. Not ever,” she promises him. Randor nods, going a bit limp in his bed, and then Teela is ushering them both through goodbyes and escorting Adora back out of the hospital. Adora takes her snake back out of her pocket and makes waves with it, mimicking a slithering motion between her fingers. Her hands are still shaking by the time she is buckling into Teela’s car.

“Randor has permanently lost all legal rights as your parent. If you do not wish for him to be able to request you come see him, I can block it for you. That decision is just up to you now, and me if I decide it is unhealthy for you to keep seeing him,” Teela tells her at a red light. Adora doesn’t reply, staring out the passenger window as a snake slithers in her lap and a knot of them writhe in her stomach.

If she opens her mouth, she fears they will come spilling out.

\--

Adora has a meeting with the career counselor at school, and she rides the school bus home beside Catra with her backpack stuffed with brochures. She has her fingers intertwined with Catra’s, their hands tucked down between where their thighs are pressed together on the small bench to hide the casual touch from onlookers. Shadow has started punishing Catra again, the grace period provided by the essential death of Adora’s father apparently gone.

Shadow was especially pleased with how quiet Adora was afterwards, and how she seemed to learn to _better control herself_ during her _time away_. That was not the truth. Adora was not _repressing_ herself better now. Randor taught her how to _be_ herself, how to manage and channel the parts of her that Shadow considered wrong, so she could be more productive with them.

They manage to dodge Shadow’s attention when they get home, making their way up to their room so Adora can unload her backpack and stuff the papers beneath their mattress. That hiding spot wouldn’t last long, but it doesn’t have to. They set about their after-school chores, and then do their homework. When they finish, they are finally free for the evening, and luckily their roommates are using their free time elsewhere than their room, so they are alone.

They pull the brochures out from under the bed, and sprawl on their stomachs across the mattress, reading through them and passing them back and forth. Catra slices a clean notch into any they reject with her claws, almost all the way down to the spine, just to make it easy to tell as they drop it into the pile of rejects. They will sneak the torn paper into a neighbour’s trashcan when Catra has trash duty after dinner.

Adora ends up with three pamphlets, Catra with just two. Really, they each have one. Adora’s all add up to _pre-med_ and Catra’s add up to _pre-law_.

“It says some programs accept students straight out of high school or community college. What if I could find one of those?” Catra asks her in a low voice, pointing with her claw. Adora is laying with her feet at the end of the bed, and Catra has hers thrown over their pillow, both of them meeting in the center of the bed to show each other what they are reading.

Adora chews on her lip, thinking back to her father’s words. She hasn’t seen him since. She will again, at some point at least, but right now she just _can’t_. He emails her about his progress occasionally, and she told him it was okay to do that, but face-to-face would be a lot.

“Would you even be hirable without a degree? It says programs are usually a year. What if you went to college, and then you did this?” Adora asks, gesturing to the pamphlet on paralegal careers. Catra frowns, looking down at Adora’s own pamphlet.

“Whether you go the nursing or therapy route, you _need_ a degree. We can get need-based scholarship, but how will we find somewhere to stay during winter break? Or the _summer_? We have to have income,” Catra points out. Adora looks down at her own pamphlet.

They talk in circles, for awhile. Adora insists they can make it with part-time jobs. Catra says once they graduate and need to pay rent year-round, that won’t cut it. Eventually, they come to an agreement.

“What if you find a self-paced program, or at least a slower one? Then maybe you can fit that around your normal degree. I can work part-time, and it should be enough for us to make it through the breaks. Then when we graduate you can go straight into paying work. I’ll keep working part-time while I go through med school or the therapy program,” Adora proposes, pointing to the line about _online courses_ in Catra’s pamphlet. Catra narrows her eyes down at the paper.

“That plan puts everything on your shoulders until we’re twenty-two, Adora,” Catra points out. Adora shrugs.

“Maybe, but school won’t cost us a thing after aid, Catra. We can save all the money I earn for the breaks. We’ll need a bigger paycheck once we can’t live in the dorms, like you said. You can do your program while getting your degree – I can’t,” Adora explains, running her fingers along the border of the cover image for her pamphlet.

 _Ah, colouring in the lines, I see_ , Randor said when he caught her tracing shapes as she did her math homework with her other hand. Catra is silent for a long moment.

“I could still get a part-time job the first year. Help save up for when I start my program and it is just you. You support us for three years during undergrad, I support you for three during your grad school,” Catra says, almost like she is turning the idea over herself. Adora nods.

“I know you hate being reliant, but- I _rely_ on you, Catra. Let me return the favour. It will work out so we can actually be _comfortable_ after graduation. We wouldn’t need anyone else,” Adora tells her. Catra’s tail jerks a little tensely on the sheets beside her legs, but when her eyes meet Adora’s, they are soft.

“We never needed anyone else, Adora,” Catra tells her, softly. Adora feels her eyes go a little wide as she swallows. Catra is right. They made it fine before Randor, and they will make it _after_. They will build a life together. They are all either of them has.

Catra shifts on the mattress, leaning on one of her elbows and reaching her hand out for Adora, brushing her hair out of her face. Adora nuzzles into the touch like Catra does when Adora fixes her hair, and Catra releases a shaking breath.

“You’re mine, Adora,” Catra says, her voice quiet and loaded with emotion. Adora snaps her eyes to Catra and finds her gaze burning, locked onto her own. “You always were. It was always us,” Catra tells her. Adora’s breath catches. It is such a _Catra_ way to assure her that she will always be there with her, _for_ her. It still makes a fuzzy warmth spread through her, knowing Catra wants her now just like she always has. Knowing Catra at least would never abandon her. Catra is possessive, and she does not let things go – especially not things that are _hers_.

“Always?” Adora asks despite herself, her voice a whisper. She knows the answer, but her heart is thudding so _loudly_ and her entire body feels like it is hanging on Catra’s words, her entire world realigning to orbit around Catra because Catra will _always be there_.

“Always,” Catra promises back. She hesitates, and then she jerks forward, cupping the back of Adora’s head and drawing her in until their foreheads are touching, just resting together, feeling _connected_ in a way Adora is to very few things these days.

Adora lets her eyes slip closed. _Always_. They have a plan, a plan for the next _ten years_ , and it is wholly focused around the both of them. They don’t need anyone else to get it done, and Adora trusts Catra to follow through on her part. They will make it through this – through their next few years at Shadow’s, through whatever happens with Randor, and through college – and one day they will both have jobs, comfortable and able to provide for themselves without being at anyone else’s mercy.

One day, they will not just be _okay_ because they have each other, but _happy together_.

**Author's Note:**

> And the angst back story is finally out of the way. This series has one more smutshot and then it will be completed. You may have noticed, but I'm posting daily leading up to Christmas, and maybe through the end of the year if I can keep it up.


End file.
